Condone
by relentlesslover
Summary: I isolated myself from everyone. I made sure everyone knew I was the death obsessed Elijah Goldsworthy. Noone could save me. NOONE! But what happens when an inocent saint enters Crodane? Can she save him? Or even have a darker past.
1. Semi encounter

**Disclaimer- I do NOT, But wish, own Degrassi. I do own a hair straightener, some dark eyeliner and Crodane...Which don't take my names!**

A/N:Hey guys. It's Saph, back with more twisted fanfic's. lol. This one is probably gonna want you wanting more...Am I not right? Um...Basically I got this idea by watching a not so much chicflic...more of...well...arrRRGGHH! Okay I'll just tell you but it's Sooo not basing off of the movie...Just the setting. Okay, the Movie, Never mind...You'll have to guess. But if you read You're not Alone and are familliar with Crodane, that will be the main setting. Don't think I'm kidding..

..*Whispers* Alot happens at Crodane...HAHAH...ha...

Warnings for this story...uh...: **Cutting, dark depression, anorexia, abuse...(Not just from people...to yourself ****0_0****A little bit of Sadism..(What were you expecting?) etc...YOU GET THE IDEA! NOW YOU KNOW WHY IT'S RATED T! A little but of OOC...Not so much AU. **

**AND IF YOU WERE TO LAZY TO READ THE WARNINGS...DON'T COME BITCHING TO ME! OKAY. **

Now enjoy...Condone.

**Chapter 1**

The mid-September air sprung and hit me like...hard. The emeralds known as my eyes began to scan the whole entire area. All I saw was teens with weak smiles on their faces trying to have fun while they're at this godforbiddenplace. Other's were laying their heads on the isolated picnic tables and then there was...me. I was the one who noone really faced and if you did there would be a very large amount of crushial damage done. Loads. Sure I had this soft side for the newbies who had no intentions on meeting me but 'accidently' do. So I lay off easy by telling them simply to "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!"

I isolated myself from everyone. I made sure everyone knew I was the death obsessed Elijah Goldsworthy. Noone could save me. NOONE! Only my thoughts emptied me away from thoughs who wanted my attention. Who eventually got it by me screaming the shit out of them!

I opened up my blue, crappy note book and began scribbling down some of my thoughts into strange, erratic types of poems. it felt good getting this all out. It just...Did. I felt some type of pressence coming toward me. There was this strange...feeling like I knew exactly what was happening just about now. Brook (My Crodane stalker/bestfriend) Was nearing me. Like normal. This was her daily routine for us. She'd quietly pace over and expect me to just know. It occassionally got annoying. Occassionally.

"What?" I asked, still clearing my thoughts into my notebook. I heard a gulp from her throat sound and knew this was bad news.

When she didn't answer me right away I got the hint that this was an eye to eye kind of talk. Great! MY FAVORIT!

I patted the seat aside from me and waited for her to sit. Once she did I turned frantically toward her and eyed her up. Her scene blonde hair was pulled in a high pony and her make-up looked like it was caked on. I wanted to touch her so badly...But didn't. Ofcourse I didn't. We were infront alot of patients and it would just be awkward to...Besides, she's my bestfriend.

"I've been having thoughs...er...urges again." She gasped out. Great, she felt like cutting. This was just wonderful. If they send her in that ever so tiny room...Again I'll freak. She didn't deserve that. No one did.

"Brook..." I began. "...Have you been taking your medication?" There was no reply..Only the hushed sound of wind blowing freely in the air. This was to overwhelming. For the both of us.

"Brook, why aren't you taking it?" 

"I feel better now-"

"BROOK!" I really wished that didn't sound like I screamed. It sounded cold and harsh...Really harsh. "Look I'm sorry for the out burst. Okay. It's just...I don't want to loose you. You're the closest thing I have to family here." Breathe. "Please...please go take your medication. Before they find out that you haven't." Brook nodded and proceeded with the plead.

When ever they'd give her, her medicine she'd hide it in the side of her mouth and pretend to swallow it with a cup of water. They'd never run prodecures on checking her mouth right after. That's why some of us could slide by here. They're idiots.

Here I was again. By myself in my dark world. Nothing gets better than this. Or I thought.

When everything once became silent and my thoughts remained civil, that's when _she _walked in. My eyes and mind couldn't focus. She was to irresistible. Way to irresistible.

Her cinnomin curls went beautifully with her innocent look she put on. Her clothes were so school-girlish and made me die inside of how badly I wanted...No...Needed her.

When she looked my way her blue oceanic eyes cascaded mine. They looked lost...sad. It made me die inside. Completly.

"Fuck..." I realized that since I was so into her resemblance that I ended up scribbling all over my notes that I had written down. This is why I hate girls. They mess with your head and expect you to just...drop everything. They drove my insanity away. Bit by bit.

I realized that the girl was walking my way and I began to panic. What was I supposed to do? RUN?

"Uh...hi." She greeted with a gesture of a wave. I said nothing. I didn't want a love interest. I was fine the way I was. I didn't need any of this.

So to calm my nerves I turned to a knew paige and began writing. What did she want? It's kind of awkward to be going around saying hi randomly don't you think? Geesh. She didn't belong here. She was to cheerful and happy. Totally under radar.

She sat down next to me and from the corner of my eye I could see her smiling. Her rosy cheeks blended with her ivry skin and I was just dying to look at her. SOOOBAD!

"I'm sorry to be a burden...It's just I'm new here and...trying to fit i-"

"In.." I finnished for her. "It's the same old same old. This is a mental institute. Okay. Theres no fiiting in here." What makes this even more dramatic was that I never once looked up from my notebook. Bonus for me.

She was growing nervous, I could tell. I was used to that. Everyone was nervous around me. Wasn't a big surprise.

"Good to know...I'm guessing you like black." God she was bad at stirring up conversations. This was .TIME! "Me? I love it. It really portrays my likeing of watching things shrivvel up and die."

Her right index finger intertwined in her curl and she sat in silence...Searching for the right words to say...Pricless.

"I'm Clare."

"Eli. Why aren't you leaving me alone?" My voice sounded bitter and crude. But I didn't care. I wanted to be left the hell alone. She shrugged and stood up. I felt bad about treating her this way. But...No..I couldn't get close. My secret(s) are to personal. TOO PERSONAL. They could ruin people. (They ruined my life.)

Clare wanted more of me. But I ignored her. Soon realizing I was left alone again.

...This was for her own good... Everyone's

(End of chapter 1)

A/N: Liked it. Hated it. Should continue. There will be rotating POV'S between Eli and Clare in each

ch. so...yeah... REVIEW!


	2. Reculation change

**Disclaimer: Degrassi is something I don't own, sadly…I do own a pair of extra high converse, a flat iron, hair spray, a tooth brush, and other girl accessories, Degrassi is not mine…**

A/N: SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT! Wow, I didn't think you guys would like this story so much! I was really skeptical about posting it, Because I wasn't sure if I should keep going with it...but seeing at how many emails I got from you guys I decided that I should just...Go with it. And if many of you are still confused about the setting and all it's a mental institution...Duh! But anyway, heres chapter 2 of..."Condone."

Summary: I isolated myself from everyone. I made sure everyone knew I was the death obsessed Elijah Goldsworthy. Noone could save me. NOONE! But what happens when an inocent saint enters Crodane? Can she save him? Or even have a darker past.

**Chapter 2**

The blinding sun peeked through the blinds of my dorm window. Echoing through out everything in here. Someone must've opened up the blinds. They had to of. Because I never open any blinds. NEVER!

A yawn escacped my mouth as I sat up and stretched my arms above my head. This wasn't my favorit way of waking up. I hated light. It was sortof my way of expressing the inner me...But hey...Beggers can't be choosers. Right?

When my eyes completley opened and began scanning the room I then found out who opened up the blinds. Ms. Finch. How did I know. Her bouncy brown hair was back in a pony and her normal pedatric clothing that you'd see at a children's hospital was on her. What was she trying to prove? That we could trust her? We couldn't trust anyone here. It was to...Unreal.

"Come on Mr. Goldsworthy. You have a daily meeting with Dr. Johnson." I rolled my eyes at the innocent command. Dr. Johnson was my weekly therapist. She'd make me confess to everything that I've been through-There's alot-and possibly feel better. But for my mind...It doesn't work that way.

"Yeah..I don't think so. I really need some sleep. And when your in here it's kind of hard to get when your opening up all the blinds." I clenched my hands into fists and rubbed my eyes, surely making the vision more clear to my surroundings.

"Nope, Elijah, I don't feel like hearing your smart ass comments about how you need more sleep. Get Up!" God she was really turning into a real bitch. So much for looking pedriatic-like. I pulled the covers back over my head and tried getting myslef to fall back asleep. It just didn't work...Why? Because the nurse walked over and yanked the covers right off of me.

"Do you mind?"

"Here." She tossed folded clothes at me. "Put those on and then head to Dr. Johnson's office." Ms. Finch picked up her cleaning cart and headed out the door. She was well aware that I was up now thank god. She's so fricking annoying. Thinks she can just...walk all over me.

I slid my tight skinny jeans up and buttoned those. Then taking my blue and black 'The Dead Hand' shirt, I threw that on. Here comes another day of misery. Fun for me.

The light in the halls were soo much brighter than I expected. It was one of those "Every where you walked there was light" kind of lights. I scrunched my eyes a couple times. Just trying to get them used to the brightness.

A light touch approached my shoulder and I somewhat flinched. And what do you know...It was Brook.

A smile was plastered on her skin and I knew that she was happy. And her make up wasn't caked on. It was done simple. Not to dark...but not to light.

"Someone's in a happy mood." She giggled alittle bit and continued walking with me. Her high converse making me want to take them off of her and wear them myself...Ughh...

"Yep, because..." She pulled out a flier from the back of her pocket and shoved it literally infront of my face. "It's confirmed that we'll be having a Halloween dance here!" She shrieked at the mere thought. I rolled my eyes and continued walking. And there's another reason why I couldn't stand Crodane. This whole building acted like a functioning highschool. Only with suicidal teens and depression. When we weren't in therapy or something we were in class. And it bored me to. DEATH!

Brook's face fell and she said,

"Aren't you happy?"

"It's just a dance, B. It's not like they're installing some type of video game room for us. Because you know 'It's totally against regulations.'" I tried mimicing one of the advisors here. But that would be a plus for this shitty place if they added that type of room. I could use a good game right now.

I moved around the bench infront of the lobby which held teens and they're guardians getting ready to join the 'Crodane Society.' I remembered when I was in that situation. CeCe and Bullfrog were to mellodramatic about it. All I did was make a cut so deep you could see the bone. (Okay...It was serious...But still!) I remembered the fear of coming to an unknown place filled with psycho's. But then realized months later that I was one too. _A freak_.

"Well...So I won't feel alone would you take me?" My insides began to dramatically change from being ubnormally irritated to flustered. I've had this attraction to Brook for the longest time now. She made me feel alive. So...stupidly...I nodded.

"Why not. What are friends for." A huge grin spreaded on her face and she hugged me. giggles repeating again.

"Ohh! Yay! Okay, I've got to get to therapy one. We'll talk dresses and tuxs later." She waved by and went down the seperate wing, Leaving me at my door. Dr. Johnson's door. I gripped the knob and fiercly swung it open.

My dark emerald green eyes grew wide when they were greeted with the beautiful blue that had eversofrantically bugged me yesterday. What was going on?

"How nice of you to join us Elijah. Please take your seat." Dr. Johnson said. I held in a breath as I took my seat next to Clare. I could smell the perfume she was wearing. Blehh! It was...not my style.

"Now, Mr. Goldsworthy I'd like you to meet Clare. She's one of our new patients here." She lifted her hand to wave. I gave a semi-death stare between the two.

"I've already met her. Just yesterday actually." Dr. Johnson smiled widly and made a light pound onto her desk. Showing excitment.

"Goody! Then this plan will turn out...Ever so nicley!" Plan? Since when was there a "Plan?"

"Yes, what plan? When was there a plan?" She picked up two sheets of paper and passed them out to the both of us. On the sheet read different scheduals and when to do this and that.

"Crodane is starting a system where patients meet other patients and have problem talks. We thought that it would be a good way to let our emotions out and make new friends." Clare's gaze flew to me. She knew I wouldn't stand for this. Ecspecially after what happened yesterday.

"Wait, does this mean sessions closed today?" My voice sounded more excited and hopful than concerned. She nodded.

"Yes, we're to busy getting the dance set up that we thought it be a good day for you guys to relax. Enjoy what you have. So sessions closed today." She stopped to straighten up papers. "But, I expect to see you two talking..And not ignoring." Her stare went straight to me. And this is why I hate reputations. They stick to you forever.

"You both may leave now." I jerked out of my seat and ran for the door. I could breathe! No more sessions for today! Yes. When I thought all was good Clare passed me saying,

"See you tomorrow, Elijah." I shuddered at her tone.

(End of Chapter 2)

A/N: There's chapter 2 for ya! Oh and the rotating POV'S will be happening soon. You'll just have to wait. Love you guys. And if you thought Adam wasn't in this...Well...You're wrong.

-Saphy :3 Meowwww

REVIEW! Apples. Bannanas. Loved it. Hated it. You're pick.


	3. I breath you in, again

**Disclaimer: Degrassi is something I don't own, sadly…I do own a pair of extra high converse, a flat iron, hair spray, Crodane, Brook, and Eli's blue notebook. ...Degrassi is not mine...**

A/N: Okay, I am very excited about how this is turning out. Like really! It's...WOW! Umm...I'll answer alot of your questions right now though. Is Eli attracted to Brook in anyway, and if Eli pushes people away, why did he get so close with Brook? Yes, Eli is attracted to Brook in a way that is very...sisterly...but not. And the only reason he doesn't push her a way is because...You'll find out. But anyways...Enjoy

Summary: I isolated myself from everyone. I made sure everyone knew I was the death obsessed Elijah Goldsworthy. Noone could save me. NOONE! But what happens when an inocent saint enters Crodane? Can she save him? Or even have a darker past.

**Chapter 3**

I was to preoccupied with everything that had just happened that I tripped over a leg laying out in the middle of the hall. My insides were infuriated and I turned to the son of a-"

"Oh...I'm so sorry Eli...I didn't see you there-" I cut him off mid-sentenced and began making fists. He wasn't getting off this easy.

"Don't be. Your face is the one that should be sorry. Because after I'm done with it...Oh...it won't see the light of day." A huge gulp came out of him and I was just about ready to shove my knuckle into the side of his face when a soft voice echoed my name.

"Eli." I loosened my grip on the teen's shirt and turned my gaze to the blue-eyed beauty just down the hall. Her hair was greeted with a silver headband and her rosy cheeks had some blush blended with it.

I walked over to her and began frowning. This whole program made me want to punch out a window. I don't need friends. I have Brook. Right? That's all I needed for my life was those things. My notebook and Brook. Perfection.

"So are we ready to talk about our problems? Or are we just gonna waste eachothers time?" Clare smiled and began to walk ahead of me. Wow, that was a change of attitued. finnally, someone who will put up with me. But that won't be for long. Clare's gonna hate me the minute we start talking about our problems. When I confess everything.

I hurried to catch up with her and started walking the same pace.

"Well, it says to report to room 306." Her eyes were converted to the piece of paper that she held infront of her. God this was taking forever! By the time we got to the room it'd be time to go to bed. Ugh...I hated this.

"It's down that hallway." I said flustered. But all she did was look confused...Blank. I huffed madly and gripped her tiny wrist, pulling her down the hallway.

The only thoughts going through my head was that I really liked her skin. It was milky and soft. It was everything I loved-

"What's this?" I stopped in the middle of the hallway and felt underneath her wrist. There was this long thin scab running horizontally on her forearm. What the fuck!

Clare pulled her hand away and entered the room. I didn't mean to upset her like that. Really. It just hurts me to think that there is problems with this girl. So innocent and guilty to touch...Yet she touches herself in a crushial way.

Once I got into the room, I saw Clare crying on a stool. Holding her wrist ever so tightly. Why was she like this? Oh, wait! That's why were in this room. Clare's pretty eyes ended up becoming this water paint blue.

"Look, I'm sorry I upseted you. Really." She shook her head a million times while she kept clutching her wrist. "Don't...uh...Don't worry about it."

For some reason though I've never felt this way before. There was this sick feeling in the pit of my gut. Why was I feeling this way? I hate guilty.

"We should start. Before they send a psychatrist in. So..who wants to go first." Clare gestured me and I gulped. This was the big moment of truth and I was the first to explain. Not one of my favorits. I was so used to going last because I was always forgotten and usually never got to do anything. But now since I'm first...It changes alot of things.

So I breathed in and out. Hoping she thought I was gonna pass out. (Didn't work) So I just started talking.

"I..A year ago I was sent here. For different reasons. Cutting, suicide watches, depression, what else.." I stopped to think. This was way to hard for me. The room had already fell silent with me talking. I could have sworn I saw Clare wide-eyed. But it must be my delusional mind. When I was about to go on we were interrupted by a loud voice on the overhead.

"CLARE EDWARDS, PLEASE REPORT TO THE FRONT LOBBY. CLARE EDWARDS PLEASE REPORT TO THE FRONT LOBBY. THANK YOU." Clare stood and let her wrist go. I stood as well to be at same level. this was super hard for me. god. It was just getting good.

"We'll finnish later?"

"Why not. I have nothing else to do with my life!" I bitterly said. Clare fell motionless as she left the room. Once again leaving me alone.

...Only this time I wanted to be occmpinied...by her...

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I scattered my stuff down the mysterious halls of Crodane. I had no idea where I was going, but assumed that the way I was going was right. When I turned right into the next hall I found, I heard my sister Darcy's voice and my mother's. Excitment took over when I found they're faces in the lobby. I nearly shrieked.

"Oh my god what are you doing here?" I said hugging them. The smell of mom's perfume made me relize what I was missing out at home. My fault though, right?

"We thought we'd come to visit you."

"Lonley?" Darcy asked, tears filling her eyes. I shrugged afraid to say anything else with out crying. As the rekindling continued a voice...deep voice called my name. But made me shriek inside from fear. Not excitment. No one knew what my new step father has done to me. And it's a result of me coming here but...that's not what I want to talk about right now.

Because there, standing a couple feet away from me was the man who silently and single handedly ruined my life. Jeffery Moore. Rage filled me along with fear. Why would he even want to come here? He hated my guts...secretly.

"Hey kiddo. I've missed you." I laughed to myself scaredly. "Missed you too." I said awkwardly. This was so not what I wanted to happen. Horrid memoires were rushing back to me and teards began to poor.

"Aww, she's so happy to see you she's crying." Mom stated. Jeff crushed me harder into his side. On purpose. I hated this.

"Well I missed you too kiddo. Remember our after school games we'd play?" They weren't games. I thought. They were violation of the body.

(End of chapter 3)

A/N: Liked it? Hated it? Lemons? Eli? You tell me


	4. Confused by you

A/N:Okay, I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in...a while. I've been working with my writing alot and want to make it somewhat solid. So in the process I really want this to turn out as good I really hope you guys haven't lost intrest...And if you have I'm so sorry. Here's chapter 4! I love you guys so much! (No homo intention was supposed to be portrayed.) K...Enjoy!

-Saphron Flames :3

Summary: I isolated myself from everyone. I made sure everyone knew I was the death obsessed Elijah Goldsworthy. Noone could save me. NOONE! But what happens when an inocent saint enters Crodane? Can she save him? Or even have a darker past.

**Chapter 4**

"Wait, your partnered up..with who?" Brook asked in confusion. We were perched in the library like we usually were. This is where I'd go for my mind to escape this hell hole.

"Clare Edwards..." She still looked confused. So I tried again. "You know the one who looks like she's only here because she is party of a fundraiser for Crodane? She's saintly like?"

Brook mouthed and 'oh' and returned to her pacing, while I began my writing. I knew I should have never told Brook. She'd start something that would make me regret telling her things. She's done things in the past that really pissed me off. Like telling everyone my true intentions of being here. But somehow...I still kept her as my sidekick. The one who never got pushed away.

"So...You like this Clare?" My eyes shot up at my pacing friend. "Brook!"

"Well?" I closed my notebook and pulled onto her arms to pull her down to the chair just next to me. And with a some-what sympethetic voice I tried making this whole fucking situation clear and to the point.

"Look, B, Johnson is pairing me up with her for the new system. If I had a say I'd be wanting to pair up with...with one of the very sickly patients. Not some girl trying to pose as a patient." I knew that what I had just said wasn't true. Clare was sick. And after seeing the cuts that were placed on her arms today some of my thoughts changed. Some.

Brook rolled her eyes and stood. Tension was a virtue. That's for sure. But I hated seeing Brook so upset. Then again...what was there to be upset about? We weren't together.

"Does this still mean I have a date to the dance?" I nodded. Moving my head so that my moppy black hair was moving and making Brook smile. "Good! Because my sis is bringing up a dress for me to borrow. And if I don't say so my self it's very stunning."

The librarian started speaking low and it grabbed our attention. Because there standing was the saintly-like girl who made me nervous when ever I saw those eyes. Crap!

Clare began walking toward us with a huge grin plastered on her rosy cheeks.

"Hi, I'm Clare." She gestured her hand out to Brook. And, of course, Brook rejected the hand greeting."

"I know who you are. Eli's told me so much about you. Your the girl whose mocking everyone here at Crodane with your positive behavior and you're stunning eyes. But sweety..." Brook extended her right hand out so that it groped the flower that Clare had in her hair. "It doesn't get past me. Your gonna loose you're soul like everyone else. It may not happen for a while...But it will."

I tried to hide the grin that so desperatly wanted to come out. I loved when Brook picked on others. But for some reason, Clare was different. We had a connection that was so hard to describe. Like the scars inside of my palms matched evenly with hers. (If she had any? who knows.)

Clare deviously grinned and stepped back from Brook. Her texts books were evenly Acquainted with her upper torso as she began her comeback.

"Hey, did you get in here for being mentally scarred from being a hooker? I mean isn't that why you were loads of trashy eyeliner? Because if so...Don't hate on me." I stiffled back a laugh. That was actually pretty good.

"You know what goody-"  
>"Brook. Calm down. I have to go anyway. Clare and I have to help the dance commitee." Brook turned to me confused again. She's really slow at catching on. "Johnson assigns us parts for decoration. Were incharge of the twinklie stars. It's sappy...But what ever gets us out of the therapy stuff. I'm cool with it."<p>

I picked up my notebook and lead Clare out of the library and down the halls we went.

"So, how do you like Brook?" I was hoping this would make Clare annoyed. I already knew she hated Brook. Ecspecially after that scene. Clare shook her head and began laughing. "She's a jerk. How can you stand being in the same room as her?"

"It takes time to warm up to her. Besides, I'm sure you've made friends. Right?" It got silent. I knew how it was becoming a newbie here. No one wants anything to do with you. One, because they don't know what kind of condition your in. And two, they don't want to be in your fucked up world.

I can't believe I was gonna say this to the one person I didn't want them to figure me out-and viseversa.-But something powered over me and I just needed to get it out.

"Look, you'll find someone who appreciates you for you're...niceness. But you have to try becoming a little more certain about how you portray yourself. Most of the people here don't want a cheery-vibe from others...that being you." Clare looked down at her shoes as she walked. God that was so cute...

"But that's who I am."

I snickered a little. "Okay. But don't come crying to me when you get pranked the whole time your here."

We finnaly reached the gymnasium. Clare looked up at me with a smirk.

"Wouldn't expect anything less."

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A/N: How was that? Beautiful? Unique? Review. Also kiss it better will be updated. And I really need more ideas so tell me. Please. Review ideas for me i don't care. And make sure the ideas have some type of mental theme. Because that's how most of my ff's are.

-Saphron Flames :3 Meow


	5. Author's Note

A/N: Sorry that I haven't updated! I'm still doing the story but am in a rough spot! hopefully you haven't lost intrest and will wait-say a couple days- for the new chapter.

-Saphy :3


	6. To dry her eyes, broken inside

A/N: Okay, there was this one review that made me know exactly where this story should. You'll understand who it is once the part that they reviewed comes up. Ummm...there will be an M rated chapter later on this story. But the whole entire thing is rated T. You'll understand that once I come to it. What else did I want to say...Oh if your familliar with my stories you'll be already for my plot twists. Because I have lots of thoughs. Like tons. Okay...I sound like I' blabbering now but there is one more thing I want you all to be aware of. *Clears

throat* If you all are right now reading "You Found Me" thank you all so much! But if your not, I strongly recomend you reading it. Because...well because.

Okay I think that's it...

Wait one more thing! I'd like to thank Degrassiluver15

Now that's it. XD

Song recomended for this chapter: Nobody's Home Avril Lavigne

**Chapter 5**

_"Please stop! PLEASE!" I shrieked. He had me cornered. I had nowhere else to go. My own life was flashing before my eyes...And I had no strength to stop it. He did._

_"Clare-bear, stop moving. You're gonna wake the neighbors, honey. And I want to get this done before you're mommy gets home from her late shift at work." Jeff came closer to me an I huvered. This was the time when I wished Darc hadn't been over any of her friends houses tonight. Because here I was alone, in my bedroom, with this psychopath._

_Jeff inched closer to me and I fretted. What was he gonna do tonight? rape me? Or cut me, marking that I was his and only his._

_"Come here, Clare." He pulled my arm up and through me against my lavender wall. My head banging off of the hollowness of it. When Jeff came over to throw me again I picked up the closest thing near me. It was one of my flats. And I through it straight at him, sending him tumbling onto my bed and giving me a chance to escape. I was nearly out the door when I felt his cold hands wrap around my throat. And the last thing I remember was him snickering the most dangerous words that would forever frighten me._

_"I love you Clare. And always will."_

I woke up in my bed, my breathing was hitched at the nightmare. Even though I was here I just could never escape. He'd always be there in my dreams. Strangling me or violating my body. I turned my gaze toward the clock and it read 2:12. My right hand shot up to feel my forehead-and it was sweating like crazy-. I needed water. something. I got up out of the dorm's bed and walked over toward the bathroom. I got a plastic disposable cup from the sink and filled it up with water. Then, in no time, chugged it down.

Ever since he visited me the other day I've been on look out for more of his returnings. I didn't want him to come back here with _my _ family. _My family. _ I threw the cup away and returned into my room. I immeadiantly turned on the lamp that was just beside my bed and breathed.

This whole issue seems unrealistic. I know. But when ever my mom first brought him home (When they were just dating) I thought he was the best thing that happened to our family after the divorce. But weeks went by and he grew meaner towards me. He made me feel like it's all my fault that my mom and him casually fought. But how in the world could I have caused that? It was his fault. He could never hold a job. When ever he'd go out at night he'd come home drunk and would instantly go to my room. And then...the issues started.

My head fell back onto my fluffy pillow and I closed my eyes, trying to go back to sleep. But I just couldn't. I was so afraid that he'd come back into my dreams.

And the worst part of all of this was I could never tell Eli. Jeff threatened me if I did...

...He said he'd find me...

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"ELI!" Brook called me, running her black converse down the hallway. I turned to look at her and found that she was holding two tickets in her hands for the upcoming dance. Than it was clear to me that I was really going through with this, wasn't I? As she came more near me, she hugged me. Her black sweat jaket wrapped around me. Someone was in a good mood.

"Look what I have!" She flipped the tickets around and were now facing me. They were decorated with a midnight blue color and there were to silver stars on the top overlapping eachother. The ends of my mouth curled up and I looked directly at Brook. She was biting her bottom lip, perventing her from grinning.

"I see you have my ticket I said." Brook nodded and handed me the second one. "It's really happening, Eli. I'm really going to a dance!" She spun around and laughed. (Now you know what I mean by she has awkward emotion mixes. And...They're pretty big. But, strangley, I wasn't worried about the dance at this point. I wanted to talk to Clare. I know that I shouldn't be talking to her because my problem would devastate her...But there was this strange connection the two of us had. Like...Our stories were meant to be combinded...But...then again...this isn't the adjustmant bueruo.

Brook noticed I wasn't paying the slitest bit of attention towards her, so she wacked me on the arm with her ticket. My attention was seized and I looked straight at her.

"What's up with you?" She asked as her eyes narrowed down at me. I shrugged. "Just...uh...waiting for Clare." Brook's expression fell and she got very mad. Like she usually did.

"Of course you are. I'll leave you alone to do what ever it is you guys do."

"Brook-"

"Bye."

She pundered off in the opposite direction and like she ususally did, left me feeling guilty. I waited by the room that Clare and I usually talk in. _Where the hell is she? _I leaned my back against the cold wall, staring down at my shoes. So...I've been thinking a lot about Clare. Good things I may add. There's this connection we have and sure I can be a real ass about it...But, there's this connection that she probably doesn't feel. And...No Eli! You are not gonna let her in. Do you want her to end up like-

"Eli?" A soft toned voice whispered. I got up from my leaning position on the wall and looked around. Clare? Sobbing came from inside of the room and I knew it was Clare. I placed my left hand on the knob and got ready to open it up when the door swung open.

There standing right infront of me was Clare. Her face flushed from crying-I asume- and her right hand clutching her wrist. What the fuck was going on? I held onto her shoulders pushing her back gently, trying to ease the pain that was coming from her. Closing the door behind me, I pushed her lightly to sit down.

"Clare, what's wrong?-"

She broke down, tears falling from her eyes. I've never seen someone in so much pain...Besides _her. _

"I know you really don't care...But I really need to get this out..." She began, sniffles sounding from her. I wanted to do something to make her feel better. But...what was there to do? So, I just patted her back. Whispering soothing words in her ear. But, the patting on her back turned on me when she came up and hugged me. It took me moments to finnaly put my arms around her. But atleast I didn't push her off me.

"There's...something bothering me Eli. And I can't eat...sleep...think...I'm petrified." She cried into my chest. The feeling of her warmth on me made me want to touch her. Want to...Kiss her. "I need to get release...So I have to cut...And...I don't want too...But I do." My eyes went wide from her confession. No, No...she is torn after all.

I pulled her back and looked at her intensely, pulling her arm up to see the fresh cut on her skin. My sweet innocent Clare was...In too deep.

"Don't...Just please promise me you won't do this again." Silence. "Please." She pulled her arm back and sat there akwardly. This was all happening way to fast. One second she's cheerful..The next she's a sinner. Vioalting her own body.

"Eli...I really wish I could tell you...But-" She stopped to take a deep breath, turning her eyes on me. "-I'm afraid...I'm afraid that if I do..."

"What? You'll get hurt?" Silence...again. I got up off the table and reached my hand out for hers. Once she took it I placed my right hand over the cut, whimpering escaped her mouth. "Promise me you won't do this again..." Nothing. "Promise me."

She nodded her head and said, "I promise."

Clare looked down at the floor as I kept staring. She's beautiful when she's pained.

I could tell she was stressed and needed to relax.

"Why don't you go back to you're dorm and rest. It's seems as if you need to just settle down a bit." Her blue orbs stared back up at me and nodded. She grabbed her bag and headed for the door. Before she left though, she turned back around and said,

"I'm sorry.." I smirked and mouthed an "it's okay" and wathched the door shut. Was it possible? Could I be falling for the unpredictable?

_And I couldn't help her, I just watched her make the same mistakes. -Avril Lavigne_

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I ran for my dorm. My wrist felt like it was on fire. The warmth of Eli's hand being placed over the cut was still on me. (Even though it _wasn't_) Once I got into my dorm I fell on my bed. Letting the unfinnished tears pour out. I wanted to tell Eli. But...Couldn't. When ever I was so close to letting it out...My throat closed up and I heard this voice in my head. It was _him. _It's like he didn't want me to be safe-Why would he though? He's been killing my sanity.- like I was just another girl. Not valuable.

The day that I was convicted in going to Crodane fleded back to me. My eyes stared up at the ceiling and I saw...That day.

_"Clare! Stop...Stop it now!" My mother cried-literally- _

_I was standing by the front door. Clutching my left thigh. She didn't believe me like usual. She just didn't want to belive that her precious Jeff could do such a thing. But..It was possible Mom! She walked closer to me but I snapped. I started fretting, cursing even._

_"Get the hell away from me! You let him in here mom! I'm not safe!"_

_"Clare! You need to get help!" My mother yelled, her voice breaking and a scarce look coming over her. Darcy was in a corner, crying. She got to her feet and yelled. _

_"JUST LISTEN FOR ONCE MOM!" She yelled. _

_Jeff came running down the stairs. Exchanging looks with me. I hated him. He is making me this lifeless soul just walking the earth. I wasn't the cheerful Clare anymore. I was dead...to myself._

_"I called Crodane. They're sending over some of the helpers. They're gonna take her." Mom and Darcy looked at eachother. No words seizing to come out. They hated me.._

_She wants to go home...Broken inside...-Avril Lavigne. _

I opened my eyes, tears coming out. I sat up and turned to look out my window. Nightfall had already hit. Still groggy from my nap, I gained energy to do the number one thing that would give me relief.

"Ahhhhhhh!" I screamed. After moments of silence I turned to my lamp. I stared at it cautiously. And with the swing of my fist, I knocked over. Glass going everywhere.

This was what I am now. I was a monster. I had a little bit of sanity left. But it wasn't enough to go through another day. The wrist that had the cut on it was in my view. I clutched it again. I needed to. I just needed too!

I walked over to the shattered glass and picked up a piece. Closing my eyes tightly, I dug it into my skin. Deeper and deeper I went. I cried out..

The dorm's door opened and a nurse came in and saw. She ran to my side and pulled the glass out. Holding me and calling out,

"We need help! Help in room 301!"

My vision became blurry as I once saw the moonlight...then darkness.

(End of chapter 5)

A/N: How was that for an update? I'm sorry-again- for not updating. But here you go! This is going to get much better. Don't worry. But for now...Why not read all of my other stuff. Like "Burned for you" or "Kiss it better" or "You're Not Alone?" I have more if you're intrested. But if not...Reviews? Reviews for meh? I think soo!

*Flames*Flames*Flames*

:3 meow


	7. Stop what your doing, and just love me

A/N: I'm so sorry that I haven't updated this in like…forever! Once again—and I hate that I have to say this, again—I hope you guys didn't loose interest. I'm such a horrible person.

I'm so very sorry once again. So, uh, here goes nothing.

Summary: I isolated myself from everyone. I made sure everyone knew I was the death obsessed Elijah Goldsworthy. Noone could save me. NOONE! But what happens when an inocent saint enters Crodane? Can she save him? Or even have a darker past.

**Chapter 6**

I awoke to a low humming noise presented from one of the nurses. Just about now I realized this wasn't just a psyche ward. It was also a hospital. I shifted on my bed a little only to feel a sharp pain in my rib cage. Possibly from falling?

"Good morning Miss Edwards." A woman—probably a doctor—greeted. She had her clipboard in hand and was checking my wrist. Which had four stitches plastered in them. I didn't think it would get this bad. But, as you can see, it has.

"What—What time is it?" The woman turned her head to the clock and gasped.

"Two PM. I'm missing Ellen!" She ran out of the room, practically knocking down A lean boy walking in. Then I realized, it was Eli.

A smile appeared on my face as it always did, until I remembered what he said to me. The day I confessed my scars.

"Hey!" He ran in, sincere written all over his face. "..What happened?" Hesitation. Yep, that was the first thing to describe what I felt. Even though Eli had this strange hate toward me…I still felt this connection. A crush perhaps?

"Clare, answer me. What happened?" Nothing. Eli studied me and suddenly his eyes dropped to my arm. I wanted to pull away. Show no mercy. But that would just be showing him that I was hiding something.

His right arm extended and lifted up my arm. You could feel regret and fretting in his touch. Like he didn't want anything to be there. He was wrong.

Eli twisted my arm over and his emeralds went wide. My face was flushing.

"Clare!"

"I couldn't help myself. I was in a bad place." Eli let my arm drop and he turned away from me. Almost like he was disgusted by my bad decision. I sat up in the hospital bed and touched his shoulder gently. Only to find him shaking me off.

"Eli, why are you acting like this?"

"Why are you doing this?" Eli stood. I wanted to say sorry. Something. No words could process at all.

…Except for the wrong ones…

"Why do you even care? Ever since I've got here you've been nothing but an ass to me! And when ever I try being friendly, that girl Brook is always watching over me. Like a hawk!"

"You don't get it.." Eli began. He sat down beside me and pushed a strand of my hair out of my face. His touch was so cold. "…Brook is just hard to understand. I think she has a crush on me." Motionless.

Eli caressed my cheek as he bent down to whisper in my ear,

"..But she definitely is oblivious to the fact that I like you. More than anything." And with that, the thing I've been so desperately wanting him to do since our first encounter, was to kiss me. In which he did.

The kiss was sweet and chaste at first. Until we got more into it. My fingers intertwined with his black, shiny locks. The ones I loved so much. Eli layed me on my back, his arms never letting go.

Our tongues locked together and caused a strange moaning sound to form in the back of my throat. The feeling was exhilarating.

Eli's hands began to stroke down to my hospital dress –Hint, Hint. I had nothing on underneath. – As he tried getting it undone a gasp, perhaps from a girl,- formed.

Me and Eli both sat up to find Brook, in the door way, teary-eyed.

"Eli?"

"Brook! No it's not…It's not what it looks like—"

"Save it. You and Clare are so fucking perfect for one another! Enjoy her! I'm not going to this stupid dance with you!" The blonde haired girl through a beautiful ticket on the ground and ran off. Eli looked shocked.

"Eli—"

"Don't-" His voice broke. He kneeled down and picked up the ticket. His hands shaking with it in his palm. "—I'm gonna go. Let's just pretend this never happened, okay. I need to clean up this mess."

"What mess? You two were never together!" Eli froze in his tracks and turned around to face me. A frown growing on his face. "..I know. But she's the only thing close to me as family. I have to go."

And there I sat, miserably confused in a hospital bed who was bothered in dirty and sad ways.

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"Brook!" I yelled. I ran down the halls and searched every aching corner. Where the hell was she.

My lips still were vibrating from Clare's. I knew after all of the things between me and Brook get cleared up, that Clare will never forgive me for abandoning her in a hospital bed. But she'd never get the situation I was in anyways.

Brook was a risk for me to bring her into my life. I didn't have anyone. And truthfully, I wanted so badly to keep it that way. But Brook showed me newer ways to forget the past that you've shared and go on with the new. She was the other half of me.

Clare, on the other hand was different. She was this new responsibility known as love and caring. She was a handful, but my handful. And I just messed all of that up because I cared to much about Brook.

I heard the security sirens of Crodane going off and I knew that was my cue to find Brook probably outside 'trying' to commit suicide. My combats ran outside, finding everyone surrounding a spot by the front entrance doors.

I pushed through people to find the other half of me on the ground. Surrounded by a puddle of her own blood.

Things just had to get worse…..

(End of chapter 6)

A/N: Sorry that was short, but I just wanted to post something for those who have been waiting. Oh, and before you get any conclusions…..Who says it was suicide?

-Flames—Flames-Flames-


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